Beautiful Pain
by Mishachan
Summary: *COMPLETE!* The Labyrinth is dying, almost dead, and so is Hoggle's spirit. Ever since Sarah came in and out of his life a year ago, things have never been the same. And now...it might be too late.
1. I

I miss her. We all miss her, those who knew her. We've missed her ever since we last saw her a year ago. Just a year? Was it only that long? That year ago in her room, with the party, and the music... Then everything changed, because Sarah had come to us as a child and left as an adult. The child Sarah flew into our lives, taking things for granted everywhere she went, but we still fell in love with her.  
  
She was one of the few that have a chance to face their childhood. She faced it and she triumphed. In triumphing, she grew. And she doesn't need us like the child used to need us.  
  
The other gnomes laugh at the change that has come over me. They call me a poet and tease me for staying here in the garden all the time, outside the walls of the Labyrinth. I don't kill the faeries anymore.  
  
As I sit here now, I look at the pond, the walls... No one has seen Jareth for a long time. Some people think he is trapped in the human world. Others think he is dead. If he is dead, I mourn the loss. If not, I don't mourn his absence. He was the one who kept his kindgdom in fear. Now he's gone, and they are free. But we are not free, not until Sarah returns. If she ever does.  
  
Sir Didymus, in his bold, cold way, talks ot me sometimes Just yesterday he said,  
  
"How very odd that something so ugly may feel such beautiful pain."  
  
He was speaking of me. I too find it odd. I am not Hoggle anymore. I was Hoggle when I was with Sarah, but now I am just an ugly, scarred, cold old gnome... who loves her.  
I look up. There is a white dot in the sky. It is approaching me, very very fast. Hurtling toward me. It's...a bird? An owl...  
  
The owl veers up into the sky, then floats down again. Suddenly its wings, its feathers...  
  
It is Jareth. Jareth the Goblin King. The one who tortured us, rules us, the one we were afraid of. He stands there, powerful in majesty and glory. I don't care. I sit here on my rock.  
  
The Goblin King tilts his head, looking a bit confused. He's probably thinking, 'Why is he not afraid of me?' I can answer that. Because the only thing to fear is pain. And when you can't hurt anymore than you already are, what is there to fear?  
  
"Hoghead," he says in a casual tone, as if nothing were wrong, "you look different."  
  
I look at him scornfully. Why answer him? He is the reason for my pain. He brought her presence into the Labyrinth, and then her presence was gone and we were left empty. We gnomes, faeries, goblins, we were her childhood fantasies. We were there only so she could let go of us, and he... He was the realization of her adult dreams. He sparked growth and passion within her.  
  
"Hoggle?" he asks, and kneels down to my level as if I were an obstinate child. "You have forgotten me." He tries to sound dangerous, but I laugh.  
  
"We never had reason to remember yeh," I say. He's even more surprised.  
  
"Tell me that this isn't Hoghead, Hogwart, whatever your name is. What brought this on?"  
  
"M'name's not Hogwart," I say, my tone viciously sarcastic. "I am Lavinia Flowerbring, princess of the wind sprites." I look directly at him. "Go away, Jareth."  
  
He gets angry. His precious patience has run out. "You can't tell me what to do, you miserable, putrid dwarf." He stabs me with his finger, a punctuation of the last three words.  
  
"I can," I say. "You are no longer the king of the Labyrinth. It fell apart and now your precious House of the Axe is a crumbling wreck."  
  
His face grows cold and morose. "Show me," he says.  
  
I stop and think for a moment. I don't want to obey him, but it would be so sweet to show him his failings. I push myself up off the rock and waddle over to the door of the maze. My own lack of grace disgusts even me, but I ignore it. I pound on the wooden door forcefully. The doors swing inward, almost falling from their hinges.  
  
We both step inside. I look at Jareth as he looks around. The formerly invisible openings are now laid bare for all to see.  
  
"Shall we take the exact route she took?" I ask with a hint of mockery. He doesn't need to ask who 'she' is. He starts walking, and I follow. 


	2. II

Silence except our footsteps pervades nearly all of my senses. I don't know how much time has passed, but now we stand where Sarah once stood. There used to be a worm-hole here, but now it's caved in. I wonder where the worm went.  
  
We turn to the right and then go around some more walls. They don't move around anymore. Some of the tiles of the ground are stained red, but they don't look like blood. They have a familiar glow. Not a light you can see, but the kind you can sense. Like the glow that came from Sarah, the light that penetrated our hearts.  
  
Jareth and I come upon two doors. They are battered and worn. The guards that had once cheerfully stood there are now absent.  
  
"The oubliette," Jareth murmurs, stepping up to the door on the right. "You rescued her from there, didn't you."  
  
Yes. That was the first time I had started to care about her. I suppose it was inevitable. Unavoidable. We all cared for her. Me, Ludo, Didymus, even the goblins, I think.  
  
I watch Jareth and realize that he cares about her too. He wanted her. And he was the one closest to having her. So close... It must hurt him.  
  
He catches me watching him and raises an eyebrow, but there is a flash in his eyes of understanding. He knows what I was thinking.  
  
I break the moment by hobbling over to the oubliette hole. I reach in and pull out a hand. It is grey, limp, and cold. It is dead. On an impulse I toss it in Jareth's direction. He steps back; a look of disgust flashes across his face. I laugh coldly.  
  
"You're not afraid of Death, are you, Jareth?" I say tauntingly. He stares at me and his gaze is like ice. I am unaffected.  
  
"I've been through it already," he says. "I am not afraid of anything." The way he says it makes me realize that he has lost his authoritative tone.  
  
"You're afraid of yourself," I say, not because I believe it. I just want to see his reaction.  
  
It is surprising and painful. I had forgotten how powerful he was, but he makes me remember. He merely stretches out a hand and I am thrown back violently. I barely manage to land on the ground, but then I slip off the edge and fall into the oubliette. It is terrifying for a split second, but then my grasping fingers catch on to one of the dead Helping Hands. I slip for a moment but then I reach my other hand up and then I am hanging there, my short, stubbed legs dangling into darkness. I look up and Jareth is there looking down.  
  
"You always were worthless," he says, but I don't know who he is talking to; me, the hands, or the oubliette? He leaves and I am left alone. The top of the hole seems hundred of feet away, and who knows how far to the bottom. Well, there is no point in hesitating. I let go. 


	3. III

Hey look at that; only about eight feet to the ground. I am now inside the cave. There is cold rock under me and a shaft of light above me.  
  
Some words echo through my mind: "Nice young girl, terrible black oubliette." Yes, indeed. But those words should now be changed to "Terrible black-hearted gnome, terrible black oubliette."  
  
I shuffle over to where I know the door is. It is still attached to the wall. I open it from the left... and get hit on the heard with a heavy iron pot. I start to laugh, the sense of irony making the oubliette seem a bit lighter, but then I stop and close the door.  
  
"You can't be right all the time," I say, and wait for the wave of nostalgia. It doesn't come. Maybe I'm living in a wave of nostalgia.  
  
I open the door from the right and step into the cavern beyond. There used to be faces in these stone columns, but now they are crumbled and misshapen. I walk among them, remembering the advice I gave to Sarah then.  
  
"They're just false alarms. You get a lotta those in the Labyrinth, especialy when you're headed in the right direction."  
  
The memory is so clear. I was so happy just to have a new friend, even though I didn't know it at the time. I was trying to impress her. It seems like I can almost hear her voice. In fact...  
  
"Hoggle..." I can hear her voice.. it is not memory, it is real!  
  
"Sarah?" I say tentatively, looking around, ready to escape if someone or something should jump out and grab me. My skin is tingling; it feels like the air around me is filled with electricity. I can almost feel Sarah next to me, or all around me. "Sarah?"  
  
"Come to the goblin castle." It is her voice again, whispering into my heart.  
  
"Sarah? Where are you?" I cry. My voice is more desperate than I want it to sound. I wait, but there is no answer. The electricity fades from the air and I am alone again. Was it just my imagination? The goblin castle...  
  
Real or not, there's only one way to find out.  
  
I make my way out of the caverns and back into the maze. The hedges there that were once lush and green are now brown and dead. Everything is dead in the Labyrinth. There truly is no sign of life anywhere. This place used to be a home for many creatures, but now not even goblins can be found.  
  
I wander around, not sure where to go, but I pause when I hear shuffling noises. I stop and listen to them for a while, then I go in that direction. I clear a hedge to see a great brown beast slowly wandering around. It's Ludo.  
  
"Ludo," I say quietly. I the beast turns and looks at me. His eyes are full of warm sadness.  
  
"Hoggle," he says in his slow way. I nod and go closer to him.  
  
"What're you doin' here?" I ask him.  
  
"Ludo met friend Sarah here," he says sadly. The breath catches in my throat on hearing her name spoken by this huge, innocent creature. I look away from him and out over the sky to where I know the castle is.  
  
I feel Ludo's large paw come to rest on my shoulder. I look at him. He looks like he's about to cry.  
  
"Ludo miss Sarah," he says slowly. "Ludo doesn't know if she is still a friend..."  
  
I look at him. What do I say?  
  
"Is Hoggle still Ludo's friend?" he asks haltingly. Tears spring to my eyes, but I shouldn't cry. I can't cry. Which means that I can't speak, but I nod silently and put my knobby small hand on his. His eyes lighten ever so slightly and he steps back a little.  
  
I consider asking him to join me in going to the castle. But what if it was my imagination? I don't want to get his hopes up and then disappoint him. But if it was real... He would want to see Sarah.  
  
"Do you want to come with me to the castle, Ludo?" I ask. He looks at me, his eyes nearly blank and softly steady. After what seems like forever, he shakes his head. I nod and don't say more. 


	4. IV

I continue on through the maze, through the gardens, through the crumbling walls. I come across a tall wall. Sarah climbed up this wall once, with my assistance. I helped her even after Jareth had threatened me... That was where she had kissed me. Twice, in fact. The memory is bittersweet. I don't remember if the touch of her lips was as smooth as silk, or whether the look in her eyes was one of warmth. I do remember being afraid of Jareth, afraid of her touch, afraid of the Bog of Eternal Stench, afraid, afraid, afraid. But there's nothing to be afraid of anymore. I have nothing to lose. 

I'm at the junkyard. How did I get here? I was lost in memories. It's amazing how I can completely blank out anything I"m doing when I just think about Sarah. 

The goblin castle is near. I start toward it. There is a sudden flash of light. I am startled and fall on my back into a junk heap. Jareth is there again, standing in front of me. 

"Where do you think you're going?" he snaps. 

"The castle," I say simply. 

He shakes his head. "You can't." 

"I can. I think Sarah is there." 

"Oh, she is. I can tell you that," Jareh said, smirking. "She came with me." 

"Then I'll go rescue her," I say, getting to my feet. I started toward Goblin City, but Jareth puts a hand in front of me. 

"Are you sure she'll want to go with you?" he asks. I look at him blankly. 

"Why wouldn't she?" I ask. 

"Some people change a lot in a year," he says pointedly. Is he talking about me or Sarah? 

Gruffly, I say, "Explain." 

"Sarah is no longer a child. She has grown up, and she now has more... adlut desires." He now looks at me scornfully. "You gnome, you and the other miserable creatures around here are merely entertinment for children. She doesn't need you anymore." 

My emotions are starting to get the better of me. I try to calm myself; he might be lying. Sarah's probably not at the castle anyway. Yet... if he is telling the truth... 

It is true; we are nothing but the dreams of children. I myself am nothing but an ugly, stumpy old troll, perhaps the nightmare of those children. Jareth is right; I am nothing to Sarah, I was nothing to Sarah, I shouldn't go to the goblin castle, 

"But I love her!" I blurt out to the dry air. Jareth smirks and then starts chuckling. Scornfully he says, 

"Compared to me, you are nothing, Hoghead. She would never choose you over me. Persist in your foolishness if you wish. You don't have a chance." 

As I watch, he fades away and vanishes. 

I look toward the castle, almost - but not quite - ashamed of myself for revealing such a sensitive part of myself in Jareth's presence. Oh well; there's not much I can do about it now. If Sarah is at the castle, it's possible she wants to be there, wants to be with Jareth. She might completely reject me. 

But I realize, as I start walking, that I would do anything - die, even, just to see Sarah again. 

I move out of the junkyard and up to the walls of the city. Within these walls, I was brave, for the first time in my life. Here was the true beginning of friendship with our small group. Sarah forgave me here. She was so sweet, and her voice as I remember it was the kindest one that had ever addressed me. 

I push open the doors of the gate. The city inside is empty annd shabby. There is no longer a metal robot guarding the city. I don't see any goblins. I wonder where they all went. 

I start to walk among the streets, looking around at the decrepit buildings. This was a prosperous city when Jareth was king. I only visited infrequently and not by my choice. I'd always been looked on as Jareth's little henchman. I guess it was true. 

The doors of the castle stand before me. Is Sarah within? I don't want to believe it completely, just in case she's not...but if she is, what will I say to her? Can I face her without breaking down? 

But I'm not a coward. Sarah didn't think I was. 

I laborioulsy open the doors of the castle and walk inside. It is empty, and my shuffling footsteps echo through the hallways. I know Jareth might be listening, but I don't care; I call out, 

"Sarah!" 

I hear no answer, but I don't think she is near. I might know where to find her, if she is here. I climb some staris, turning to the left. Slowly I enter a room filled with stairs. The stairs lead to the left, right, up, down, and diagonal. The room is yet another labyrinth, except this time without the rules of gravity or direction. I pause, trying to decide which way to go. 

I have never been here, but I feel that for some reason she should be here. 

"Sarah?" I call softly. 

Silence. 

I turn to the right and go down some steps. I pass through an archway made of stone. There seems to be a vibration of the air, like some distant sound I can't hear. 

Suddenly it washes over me like an ocean over a desert. It is sad and mournful, on the verge of tears, but it is there. I can hear her voice. 


	5. V

"You have no power over me," Sarah's voice whispers from below. It is a pained voice that filled me with pain even as it fills me with joy. Another voice answers; Jareth's. 

"The more you say that, the more you let me in." 

"No!" The rejection is frail and quiet. 

"If what you say is true, you wouldn't be here right now." 

The voices sound like they're just below me. I get down on my hands and knees and creep to the ledge. I look down and am immediately struck by a sense of vertigo. Beyond the many distorted staircases, the direction Down extends forever and ever. There is a staircase just below my ledge, and my eyes rest upon a figure kneeling there: Sarah. Jareth is standing over her, and she looks caved in defeat. She is changed from when I last saw her... She looks less like a girl and more like a woman. 

She also looks like she is giving in. Giving in to Jareth? But she wholly defeated his temptings last time! 

"Sarah, don't give up!" I call down to her. Both of their heads snap up, and Sarah looks at me; Right At Me. After an entire year I feel her eyes around me, and I am suddenly myself again: the self I haven't been for a long, long time. 

She smiles in delight. "Hoggle!" she cries. Her voice is music to my ears. 

Then I notice Jareth's frown. He lifts his hand and something glowing and powerful launches at me. On pure reflex I move out of the way and jump forward. 

For a moment I am free-falling, with nothing to break my fall. Then Sarah grabs my hand and I am jolted to the wall. I was close to falling for eternity. But I didn't; and there's Sarah. I hastily climb to the top of the ledge. I stand up; she is sitting down, and we are eye to eye. Her eyes are filled with emotion. She leans forward and hugs me. 

"Hoggle, I've missed you," she whispers in my ear. I am unable to speak; there is a lump in my thorat that will not go away. 

Jareth say softly but piercingly from nearby, "Hoggle cannot distract you for long." 

Sarah pulls away from me and looks up at Jareth. 

"You can't control me," she says, and stands up. 

"Not unless you let me." Jareth moves close to her and brushes his fingers against her arm. 

"I will never let you!" she says and steps back toward me. 

"Then why did you let me take you here?" he asks slyly. 

"I didn't know what I was doing...I... I was caught up in the moment," she says weakly, but her eyes are drawn to him. She is falling under his spell again. I can sense her, falling, falling... 

"Sarah!" I cry. She snaps her gaze back to me, and then to Jareth stubbornly. She opens her mouth to say something but he puts a hand to her lips. 

"You can never win against me," he says quietly. "Why would you want to? That world is not for you, and you know it. You have touched magic. It will not let you go." 

As I listen to him I realize that the opposite is true. The magic... the magic has touched her. And she... 

"Sarah is the one not letting go, " I say. "You know it, Jareth." 

Sarah looks thoughtful but Jareth's eyes flash. He loses control for a second and panic races across his face. I am surprised. What is he afraid of? 

"You cannot let go," he hisses to Sarah. "You can NOT!" 

She turns and looks at him with challenge in her eyes. "I can, and I will. I don't need you." 

He looks afraid, and he loses his regal bearing, if only for a moment. 

"Sarah," I say, the words tearing out of me, "Do you still need me?" 

She looks down at me then slowly kneels down. Her eyes are sad and reminiscent. I know the anwer even before she puts her hands on my shoulders. 

"I..don't know..." she says softly. 

I looks at her in sad realization. The answer is no. The only one she is holding on to is Jareth. He knows it. He kneels down next to us and says urgently to her, 

"You must not let go. If you do, you will never see this place again." 

"I can deal with that," she says defiantly, leaning back on her knees. 

"But do you want to?" Gently he raises a hand to her cheek and leans forward, touching his lips to hers. 

I cry out in shock; Sarah freezes. I can see her turmoil that lasts for a second; accept the kiss or reject it? 

It tears me apart to see Jareth so close to her. I could never have had even a slight opportunity the way he did. And now this... 

Sarah pulls away. He looks surprisedly at her in a sort of paralyzed shock. 

"Jareth! You cannot keep me here! I refuse you and I refuse this place!" She stands up, the very epitome of the most beautiful of women. Her voice trembles with delicate power. "You have no power over me!" 

The world explodes. I am suddenly floating in a whirlwind where ruins and lights are swirling past me in a violent storm. Jareth and Sarah are nearby. I reach for Sarah, and her hand clasps mine. Debris is storming all around us at incredible speeds; I note with vague wonder that it is amazing we aren't hit. 

"What's happening!?" Sarah yells in fright. 

"You have destroyed us!" Jareth's voice shouts; he pulls his way over to us. His face is anguished and twisted. "Sarah! This world was built around you! It exists only for you! And now you have..." 

I look at Sarah. She is pained. 

"This is your world, Jareth! I can't destory it!" 

"It became yours when you entered it," he says. "Now you have rejected us and we will die!" 

Sarah looks desperately at me. I look desperately back at her. Jareth pulls himself over to us; we become a circle. 

"I did it all for you, Sarah," he says softly. 

"No..." she says and shakes her head, but she cannot deny what she already knows. Desperately she looks back and forth between Jareth and I. Slowly her demeanor changes. She grows resigned. She looks directly and me steadily and says with an infinite tenderness that cuts to my heart, 

"I love you, Hoggle." 


	6. VI

I am in a white void, and I am drifting; drifting toward a darkness. I know what the darkness is. 

I am alone. My mind is surprisingly calm. I know that Sarah will keep on going and continue her life. The Labyrinth and its creatures stopped continuing their own lives when Sarah left it. Now it is dead in her mind, and so it is dead everywhere else. I know that it was time, time for it to cease. I am at peace now. Sarah's love goes with me. I will be remembered. I have hurt a lot from knowing her, but it was worth it. I love her. And I am not sorry to have suffered this beautiful pain. 

The darkness claims me. 


End file.
